Welcome to the Present . . .
Have you ever asked yourself: Are most people actually zombies? No, of course you haven't. Because zombies don't exist. Having said that, 80-85% of all people in the US have a LOT in common with zombies (to the extent that one can have a LOT in common . . . with a zombie). Consider:
1) Zombies are not particularly attractive. Been to Wal-Mart lately?
2) Zombies are consumers. They do little else than consume.
3) Zombies are not very good at thinking independently. They pretty much follow what they see the mass of other zombies doing. 'Nuff said.
4) Zombies have an terrible diet that is lacking in green vegetables . . . lacking in green anything, actually. Been to Wal-Mart, lately?
5) Zombies are easily fooled. Hell, with a little bit of forethought you can fool zombies into doing things that are actually hurt their cause.
6) And you can get them to fall for the same trick again and again. Zombies are not known for learning from their mistakes.
7) Zombies are very inconsiderate. They will take a chunk out of your neck . . . with nary an Excuse me or Sorry about that to be heard.
8) Zombies are only interested in their own individual welfare. They could give a shit about other zombies (even when it would benefit them individually to do so - ironic, huh?).
9) Zombies have no appreciation for the arts.
10) Zombies have ugly teeth don't care what they smell like.
On a completely different note . . . been to Wal-Mart lately?
Maybe that explains America's recent fascination with zombies ... subliminal identification??
ReplyDeleteWinston Churchill was once asked what he thought of American Civilization. He replied he thought it would be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteLouraB
I think you might have forgotten a "not" in number eight. :)
ReplyDeleteA very insightful listing. Lucky for us, a shot in the head is not a necessity for the zombies of the modern consumerist era. Double-tap might be just for fun.
Keep cardio in mind, though here it won't be your greatest worry. After all, the majority of American zombies swarm elevators to avoid exercise.
I actually think that zombies are in better shape, and look overall better, than the WM crowd. The day you see a fat zombie in a scooter in the cookie alley, then zombies will have reached their lowest point is the creeper-scale. As for myself, I think conversation could be more interesting with the not-quite-dead zombie than with the brain dead human. At least the zombie has a pretty good excuse for not being aware of current affairs.
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